Crack

The huge jar containing all the emotions in me, is cracking. Soon, I believe not too long later, this jar will break apart. Shattered pieces of glass fragments flying and piercing into others. Emotions fly, my heart too shall die.
Have been thinking too much. Too darn much. On the bus, blasting my music. I think to myself. In class when I'm suppose to listen to the teacher, I scribble on a piece of paper and listen to my mp3. Walking, head hanging, blasting my mp3 and thinking. Eating, slowly and thinking.
Been doing lots of soul searching. I think I'll really go crazy soon. Like I turn my back against everyone I know.
Looking back, I have not much friends since like primary school days. Till now, things haven't changed much. I really wish to just end this world. Not just my life, everyone else's. Every single human being brought away. Let the ape-age rule once again.
Fuck human saga.

2012

Just got home, sis said her hamster died a sudden death in the morning. Took a look at it, was damn sad. The hamster was the friendlier one among the two. And now it's gone. Then just saw my friend posted that her rabbit was breathing weirdly and was not responding to its favourite treat. And add all this to the fact that I just watched the show 2012. Everything seem so scary.
My theory is that, the world is either coming to an end like real soon. Or it might just drag longer till maybe 2060s. I don't think it's goona end at 2012.
So I thought alot while watching the show. Humanity, life and all. Sacrifices made to save their love ones is the only way to show them their love for them before they breathe their last breath. Should tragedy come upon your family. What would you do? Run or stay to protect them. Occured to me once, I gotta stand my ground and protect them. But can I ever do it? Do I have the guts to do it? So I've decided to do something, to me, real huge a change to either the lives of the human population. Or just my family and I.
The way I look at everything has changed. Everything, to me, is vital. Every detail must be taken note of. It's a very nice movie. Maybe this movie can bring the world together and act as one. Make a change before we go extinct.

Judgement Day

Judgement Day was today and I failed my own test. No one should understand this, but only me.
I was feeling rather low today and felt really uncomfortable in the crowd. Days like today makes me think about if my existence only cause the world a little topsy turvy. Maybe I was trying too hard today, so I pushed the boundaries a little bit. Think I offended quite a few number of peeps today. But as I've said, it was Judgement Day. Mood low = Music Player's volume high. I went as high as max volume today and I think I'm hearing things now. I need to find a reason why I'm here and nothing seems to be guiding me there. No one, to be clear, have yet to make a huge impact on my life .
Seems like I'll be bulldozing some people out of my life and it's time to think clearly about what I'm doing.
Oh yes, a little reminder to everyone. Always look at the beautiful side of everyone and not kick up a fuss over how ugly the other side of them is.

This barrell ain't holding for long.

I think i'm gonna break down like anytime soon. I tend to think alot. Things that have happened, things that will happen, things that might happen or things that I don't even know why I'm thinking about.
I've held back my tears for a year now. Seems like it's slowly breaking apart the barrel holding it in.
I know some reasons to why I'm feeling this way. One is because of lack of self-confidence. I always seem to shun away from the crowd or hang my head when there are better looking guys around me. Just feels that.. Argh . You prolly wouldn't want to know anyways.
And and, these feelings inside of me always seems to be controlled but "explode" in other ways.
Like mentally I would break down. Seriously gonna go mad anything. I have yet to turn psychopathic on anyone yet. I don't wish to see that other side of me. But I do know I will turn blind. Fuck them niggas up and then fuck myself up. I'm so darn pissed right now and I don't know what shit got into me. Blacking out soon.

Where it hurts the most.

You got me where it hurts the most. Right smack in the middle of the heart. Where the wound cannot be seen but it hurts the most. I'm oftenly the victim at the end of the spear.

I'm emo enough already. Should stop.
Anyways, got indirectly rejected by a girl. ): Gonna try again anyways.

Bluesy

I'm feeling a little weird right now. I'm awfully sleepy yet I can't get to sleep. There's school at 9am. Gotta wake up at 730. And it's 330am now and I'm still awake.
Right, wanted to say something.
I've gotten my haircut.. Well, it's ok.. Better than all my previous haircuts. This one works out the best. And Yueming told me I look better without my cap and with my current hairstyle. So I'm kinda happy(: She told me I would get more girls' numbers like this. But when I had a webcam session with Shamaine, I look weird.. I don't know . Just thought I don't look good. Then I went to look into the mirror. I thought, "Ok what..".
Mixed feelings. Maybe I'm still not confident enough.