Perfect Sunset Silhouette, Borrow Me Your Fortitude

NEW LINK

2011-10-10T03:17:00.003+08:00

I'm terribly sorry for readers who still read this blog. I have moved over to another blog permanently. Do stop by and read!

CLICK HERE

Thank you! :)

Title.

2010-08-27T03:53:00.002+08:00

If I ever crossed your mind, I pronounce myself luckiest man alive. -#FictionMadeBelieve

M: Why are you treating her so coldly? Don't you like her?
E: Well, yeah I do like her.
M: Then why the fuck are you not talking to her so often!?
E: It's not that I don't want to, I'm just afraid.
M: OF WHAT!?
E: Irritating her.

Yeah, conversation went something like that.

Hi, I'm still alive.

2010-08-23T01:05:00.001+08:00

Yes, I'm still alive. Sorry to disappoint.

Feelings and thoughts

2010-08-10T01:44:00.002+08:00

As I was looking through the pictures, thoughts flooded my mind. Things like, "He could have done that. He should have done that. We could have gotten a better score against them. We will be better next year.".
I wish I could've been a part of it. I know nothing could be changed, but trust me when I say I've been trying to improve.
Everytime I throw, I try to aim it to the person's chest level. I aim for a straight disc to the person, no fancy throws. Spins and spins, I aim for the highest amount of spins I can produce to the flying disc leaving my hand. I'm trying hucks, low releases. I'm gonna improve on my fitness soon. I want to be a part of the next few huge tournaments. I want to prove that I'm good at AT LEAST one thing.

2010-08-02T18:42:00.002+08:00

I don't understand why my father gets so angsty over such a minor thing.
Alright, I found this little green bird lying by the pavement when I was walking home. I thought it was dead, but it moved it's feathers before I walked away. I dare not touch birds, I'm afraid of their claws. But I couldn't bear to leave it there and let it get burned by the sun to death, or eaten alive by the cats. So I took out some notes from my bag and pushed it onto the papers and brought it to my house's void deck. I called my sister and she rushed back to see it. We couldn't decide what to do with it because it's right eye is already blind. One of it's wing and feet is already broken, so we thought it would just die anytime soon. But we couldn't bear to leave it by the roadside, so we took a carton box from the mini mart and placed it inside. Brought it home and tried feeding it with some water. But it just didn't want to do anything, but lay there. It even lifted it's head to look at me, I was damn elated. But when my parents got home, mom told me to looked up on the net to check for any nearby vets. Told dad about it and he got all angsty and mad and said "Why you so busybody! Bring it home for what! Go vet very expensive you know. Get ready to pay up to 500$ if you want to bring it there! You got!?". I was like wtf?
My dad then brought it down, tried feeding it and the bird got all tensed and flew. Banged the wall and fell down. OUCH? Fucking heart pain. I don't know what to do. Seriously.

The bird is greenish, with a red patch on it's head. My sis said it's a lovebird. I shall name you... Twittor. You remind me of my sister's old pet bird, I hope you will be strong and survive.

Decryption

2010-07-30T01:51:00.002+08:00

1. 7 , 30 , 5-7.
2. 7 , 21 , 1-4.
3. 7 , 18 , (2) , 1-4.

Bye for now.

Goodbye

2010-07-30T01:47:00.002+08:00

For 2 months.

Before I leave, I'm gonna finish this up.

She was the one I fell for, I hope this feeling won't dry up just yet.
Have totally no faith whatsoever in what I'm doing.
It's too obvious but I hope we can still remain as friends.

Standing by the sidelines.

2010-07-28T23:52:00.002+08:00

I've been watching, analyzing. What kind of a friend you people are. Yeah, I'm just you people's fucking staircase. Step on me, dirty me, go on to the next one, forgets me, use me to get to your highest point. Make sense? Fuck I've been thinking too much lately. A day out with family to Sungei Buloh, turned into an emo session for me. WTF.

I need a break. 1 more week. The long awaited break will finally arrive. We're almost there, just hang on for awhile more.

Friends

2010-07-28T18:52:00.003+08:00

There are some friends whom, you can send emails consisting of pure bullshits and true feelings, and won't feel awkward or having second thoughts of sending it.

There are some friends that you would fall for, try your hardest to chase them, and in the end when all fails, we become strangers.

There are some friends that you know for a very short period of time, but can be very close to. We share secrets, stay up till late at night just to gossip.

There are some friends, that you don't know how you 2 became friends in the first place, but loves seeing each other because they bring a smile to your face everytime you 2 meet.

There are some friends, that are just there for the sake of being there, they are your friends because we know each others' names.

Which type are you and how many "friends" have you got? Life, don't it just suck.

Expectations

2010-07-28T17:53:00.003+08:00

I was worried, about my grades. I was disappointed, at how low I'm gonna get for one module. But I'm glad, because I used to attain this kind of grades all the time. But now I'm aiming high. I guess some of you still haven't left me. But I know for sure this change is gonna stay forever, and you're nothing but the past.

Hope this "story" is meaningful enough to be shared with you people.

She expects nothing less than perfection. She expects the sky from him. He gives his all, only to be able to attain the clouds. The unreachable stars, could never be in his hands. Disappointment drenched her, as she leaves him for the perfect one.

Who never did try to be perfect, for he lives beyond the stars. Nothing's unattainable for him, so he takes granted of everything. She was nothing but a gem of his, in his treasure chest of gold waiting to be sold. He was too high up for her, but she held onto him. Because her dreams could be achieved, only when she's with him. But happiness couldn't be found, because they could never communicate. They had something in common, happiness comes after gold.

But as she withers is his life, she found that she needed something. Something she once had, but let slipped for greed. The average Joe who tried his best to be her prince charming, have now been dead for several good years. He had fallen to his death, while reaching for the stars. He died smiling, knowing that he had fulfilled her wish. The lifeless hand gripped onto the star, a grip tighter than anything. She loosen his cold grip, as she mourns and weep. She could never understand, how she was so foolish. To do something to someone, who did everything within his power to make her happy. She threw the star away, and lay down beside him. Tears streamed down her cheeks, as she joins him in his sleep. -#FictionsMadeBelieve

Life

2010-07-27T23:38:00.002+08:00

When you think that life is unfair because you lack of something. Think of what you have that people lack of, and be grateful for it.
Life is never fair, because you lose something in order to gain something. You're given some things, but some things are taken away from you. Believe in teamwork, and you'll succeed. That's what I believe in after watching this video. You're weak? Use your brain. You're stupid? Use your brawn.
http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=106160349437596

Hurts the most

2010-07-25T23:17:00.003+08:00

What hurts the most is when you know the person you've fell for have already fallen for other people. It's like getting stabbed in the heart, getting fucked in the mind, getting thrown all over the place. It hurts.
I really wasn't looking when I stumbled upon you. It seems like I'm being toyed again. What's new.

Reasons

2010-07-25T03:27:00.002+08:00

Just did a search on who created Internet. No one person invented the Internet as we know it today. However, certain major figures contributed major breakthroughs: Leonard Kleinrock, J.C.R. Licklider, Larry G. Roberts, Bob Kahn, Vint Cerf and Radia Perlman.

I don't know if any of this information I found is true. But if it's true, no thank you to you people. Internet have caused one too many deaths in the world. It caused chaos in the world, disturbed the peace of nature. Wow thanks?
But I wanna thank you people, because it brought millions and billions of people together. It gave us things to do when we're bored, gave us ways to communicate with our love ones, made it easier for us to share and learn information from anyone, anywhere.
It's kinda like a love-hate relationship.

I don't know what triggered me to blog at 3:38am.

Just the beginning

2010-07-24T13:24:00.004+08:00

As I read the email, my heart sank. The people that wasn't selected, were the ones I thought that would get in. But 6 people had to give way, unfortunately they were the ones being sacrificed. I know the captain couldn't bear to do it, but there are things that he can't do. Thanks to being a part of the school, rules of the tournament, we have to go through this cruel part of life. Guys, girls, cheer up alright. There are many more tournaments ahead, this ain't the end of the road. Giving up now would only wash all your previous efforts down the drain. Please please, heads up and train harder. I see a bright future ahead in TPU, for every one of you.

Just the beginning

2010-07-24T13:24:00.001+08:00

Looking beyond the imaginary line. . .

2010-07-22T02:05:00.002+08:00

I know the answer already. I concluded it, myself. No one needs to tell me, because it's pretty obvious isn't it.
All hopes seem bleak, but I won't fall weak. I have only myself to fall back on, and I'll take the fall as it comes. I'll come back one day, stronger than ever.

I hope I'm wrong, I pray that it's nothing but a bump on the highway to heaven. Because everything I do, you're the reason behind them.

2010-07-21T18:54:00.002+08:00

Yes, you mesmerise me
In the midst of our friendship, I fell for you.
No, I didn't tell you because I'm afraid of the outcome.
Going with the flow is all I can do now.

I don't wanna let you know because it's too soon. But people say relationship doesn't matter because of the amount of time we've known each other for. It's the common things we share, the laughters we've had, and the happiness just between us two.

I'm sorry

2010-07-21T18:36:00.003+08:00

I can't do it. I love the net. I'm too attached to it.
Look, I've got so many things on my mind right now I don't know where to start.
I'll just go with the this.
Perfection can't be agreed upon, or deemed as it is. No one, and nothing is perfect. Because it actually depends on one's point of view to determine if it's perfect. You might think that your other half is perfect, but they might not appeal to the others. You might think that the diamond is perfect, but critics still see flaws in the crystal. And you don't have to be perfect in order to be happy. Because you already are perfect, the way you are. Just being yourself, someone will definitely find you attractive. Don't judge people, because you will also be judged if you do so. I now believe that judging people is a way of discrimination.
I'm surrounded by people, critics of their own, living their perfect lives and judging other people's imperfection. How about doing something for a change, and for once, look at their perfections. As minute as it may be, they have it. Every single being out there have their perfections. Time for a change people, because everyone have their own uniqueness.

2010-07-21T07:50:00.000+08:00

Imma lay off the web for awhile.
Just take a step back from the cyber world, maybe think about what I've been doing

Lost

2010-07-21T02:05:00.002+08:00

I'm currently rushing for a project due tomorrow. But I'm behind by 7 entres. I highly doubt I can finish it by tomorrow, and I'm in need of a blog therapy now.

I really don't know where these are leading me to. I know there must a tinge of feeling, but I dare not put trust in that. Because I know I'm the only one that will lose out if I do. I like how things are going, but I'm afraid at the same time. Because I'm afraid I get my hopes too high, to be crushed at the end. But I really have sunk too deep in, to pull myself out.

Only myself today, I really hope we will be on good terms after you find out. Because I have a strong feeling you already have. Goodnight to you.

Reality check

2010-07-18T17:59:00.002+08:00

I love how I think about the most minute things.

I love how the things I think about clear things up in my mind.

But I also hate how I over-think things and make them seem worse than reality.

I hate how much I think make me not able to think properly.

I always thought I stood a chance. But they just had to ruin it. Seems like the-cold hard evidence don't lie. But I wanna twist it, make it untrue. But only in my mind, only in my dreamland, wishes come true.

I've heard enough, I've seen enough. If fate wants us together, then we shall be. But I'm gonna try, even if fate don't allow it. Because at the end of the day, we're the ones that make the difference. No one else, nothing else matters. I'm gonna have to believe, it's gonna be hard. But till the day truth reveals itself, I won't give up. No matter what.

2010-07-18T16:13:00.002+08:00

Sure thing, I like you
Obviously, it's you that I've fallen for
Needless to say, everytime I see you my heart beats faster
Gone is the past, but I want you as my present till future

It's funny how I got inspired by one anime to blog this way. I know, some people may see it.
But I don't know if I want you to know how I feel. I'm afraid of how you would react. It's tough being in this position all over again.

Your everything

2010-07-18T01:21:00.004+08:00

This post was inspired by Valencia.
We were chatting about ___. Then I realised how much my preference have changed.

You're the type of girl I used to detest the most.
The high type
The manly side of you
How enthusiastic you would get, and forget about your image
You joining some club thing
Your friendly-ness
Your everything

You've managed to change me. I don't know how. I count the days I've known you. I count the number of conversations we've had online, number of texts we've sent, things we've chatted about on the way back. Every action, I have it in my mind, I remember them.
I've dreamt of you for around 3 to 4 times? People say when someone appears in your dream, it means that they wanna see you. Bullshit? True? I don't know. Too good to be true.

Perfect sunset silhouette, borrow me your fortitude

2010-07-14T00:28:00.000+08:00

Time

2010-07-11T23:23:00.004+08:00

Dear time,
I'm not having fun at all, for quite awhile now. I tried doing something I thought might be of use to the majority. But I guess it's still not enough. I have plenty of requests for you, but I know none of them will come true.

Yours Sincerely,
Eamon

Time, fast forward would you please.
I'm suffering at this moment I'm typing this.
Nothing I do seems to be of any use,
Nothing I show seem to be of any use.
It's true that I'm incapable of the position I wanna be in.
But I did all I could and put in everything I had within.
So now that I'm of no use, you just dump me at the corner?
Put me to sleep because you think I need to be more sober?
I do things because I know I can do it,
I won't be so silly to put my future in jeopardy.

I hope no one thinks I'm talking about them. I just need somewhere I can rant and this is the only place I can think of. I kindly request you people not to think too much. It's just me that I look into the most minute things.

Nothing new

2010-06-15T21:50:00.000+08:00

For EVERY bit of hatred in your heart, there's definitely love with it. The more you ONCE loved that person, the more hatred you have for that person now. Hatred breeds from love, that's one thing that I've learned. If you've never loved one before, then you will never hate that person. I'm afraid dad, that my love for you will soon breed into hatred. Every action you do, makes us dislike you more. Your actions are the reasons why this home is a mess. But on the other hand, they have brought us to where we are right now. Feelings for you have never been so mixed up before, that's because we've all grown. To learn to see the positive side of you, despite more of the negatives that have been shown. You really have to be in our shoes, to understand how we feel. And I realized many things I do, is because of what I've seen and learned. Many thanks to you dad, I've grown up so much. If it weren't for you, I wouldn't respect my mom so much.

Facing fears

2010-06-12T17:56:00.003+08:00

Summer League is commencing this Sunday. Little anxious, must win the first game.
I just got my laptop fixed, which costed me my whole bank account + sponsor from mom. Now, I'm left with 20$ and I can't get anything from UA for Summer League. Reason why I wanna get UA is because I wanna fly. Layout time! But, I don't really dare to do it. So it's time to face my fears and be airborne. Let's go TPU, die for every disc and show people that we can be as good as them!

Celebration

2010-06-03T21:38:00.002+08:00

Term test was awesomeeeeee. Didn't expect much, and am not expecting much. Just hope that I'll pass every paper. Up till now, I'm pretty confident that I'll get good grades. So I hope the teachers will be lenient when grading our papers.
Side note, there was pick-up today. If you don't know what pick-up is, it's frisbee in it's purest form. Throwing, catching, running and most importantly, having loads of fun. Would choose pick-up over training any day. So today was quite an awesome day, am tired, dirty and bored. Time to sleep?

Planet L

2010-05-29T00:12:00.002+08:00

I found myself, after so many years. I finally know what I'm like, but I'm pretty sure not everybody can accept it. If I really want to change, then I'll have to take this path. Let's see what life has instore for me as I change my way of living, and my social circle becomes smaller and I'll return back to Planet L where everything is quiet and . . . .

Been well.

2010-05-26T23:39:00.002+08:00

Life's been good. Not much things to think about. But have been really hectic this week. Projects to rush and trainings CANNOT clash. This semester's results are pretty pleasing too. Only failed one quiz, which is awesome! Overall module won't affect much anyways! Looking forward to holidays, which will be filled with trainings, trainings and more trainings. Itouch is my second blog. Have been typing out my feelings in there, better than typing here and letting people mock. Thinking about locking my blog, but Amanda Chen wants to read it, and she's a been a really good friend to me. So I shall be nice and not lock it. More updates after term test. Maybe copy paste from iTouch?

Reality

2010-05-21T00:16:00.003+08:00

Reality is, I have low self esteem. Reality is, I've been trying to build a wall between me and the eyes of the public. Reality is, the walls have been broken down too many times before. And I don't have much stamina to keep up with the pace they are broken down and rebuilding them. Thing is, I always feel lousy. Thing is, I wanna let my emotions go, let them flow. Seriously man.. Fuck this, fuck that. I don't give a fuck anymore. Fuck you if you don't like me, fuck you if you judge me, and fuck you if you're just one of them.

"When reality hits you, it hits you hard. It don't give no chance to retaliate, when it hit you right on the head."

Once again, thank you for teaching me that valuable lesson, that friends are the one to look out for.

I'm glad, I'm not my dad.

2010-05-16T23:27:00.002+08:00

My mom's sick. She have not been feeling well for the past 3 days. And my dad is not doing anything nice. Well, expected.. But he's not being a man. He's not being a dad, nor is he being a husband. He's being a dude. What we can see is that he goes out to drink till night time, comes home drunk, spouts nonsense and just adds more burden to my mom. I don't understand how he changed from someone whom I used to look up to, to becoming someone.... Just someone in my life. We're really disappointed in him. But thing is, we can't hide from the fact that he works his ass off every single day. Carrying freaking heavy shit loads of goods up and down so many freaking times, at his age. He's still a bull, even at his age. For that, we respect him. So many thigns to say to you, but don't know where to start. You never gave us a chance to express ourselves to you, I'm sorry if you feel left out in the family. But we, really do care.

Mirror

2010-05-10T22:11:00.002+08:00

I hate seeing myself on webcam. Don't ask why, but I get demoralised when I see myself on webcam.
Everyone around me seem pretty confident of how they look, but not me. I have never been confident of my looks, have yet to be confident and don't think I will be confident of myself in the near future. A boy once said "I hate my mom for giving birth to me with this disease, but I love her for taking care of me for my whole life." So I say, I hate my mom for giving birth to me with the looks I carry, but I love her for giving me confidence of how I look. I blame myself for looking like this. Ever since I was young, I've always hated a part of me. No moood mannnn

Standing in other people's shoes.

2010-05-09T17:48:00.002+08:00

I know you've done many many things for my family. You've taken care of me since I was young and treated me like your own ever since. But I don't know if all of that can be an excuse to make me forgive you everytime you make my mom cry. My mother is my world, no one can take her away from me. I don't necessarily forgive my dad when he shatters my mom's heart everytime he do something foolish. But I will try to close one eye when you make my mom cry. I don't know how much more I can take before I choose to not forgive you.
Mom told us to try and stand in her shoes and try to see things in her perspective. I can, but not everyone can. I just hope you will change, I wish that everyone can change to be a better person.

Sometimes I really wish people would listen to advices and not be stubborn. Life is short, make the change before it's too late.

Earth

2010-04-26T22:29:00.001+08:00

I think the world is coming to an end. Yes, I believe so. All of a sudden, the natural disasters keeps coming. World is ending soooooooooooon.

Breaking point

2010-04-22T23:30:00.002+08:00

I think of myself as a volcano. A sleeping volcano. Waiting to erupt and cause massive destructions to the surrounding area. I'm keeping too many things inside of me, can't handle it all by myself. And the new CDS I took is Understanding Art. Have to do visual Journal everyweek. So I can express myself in the journal through artworks. I like. Maybe can draw out how I feel. So won't be so stress.
And I think if I really "explode". I could just be a sadist. Like going around killing people. Those scary mad people that kills whoever they dislike. I have a feeling. I really do.. Don't doubt me.

Changes

2010-04-19T21:49:00.003+08:00

I wanted to type something out, but forgot about it already. Shall let the picture do the talking.

Bad day

2010-04-17T18:02:00.005+08:00

Today was a I-suck-so-much day. Teen games in the morning. Had a pretty good feeling before the match. Had plans of what we were going to do, how to run and even planned to win at LEAST 1 game out of the three. But then I disappointed everyone including myself. Not that I have anything to live up to, but my performance today could easily be improved by 100%. But I feel that I could do better playing handler. When playing wing, I didn't touch the disc at all. Bad cuts, NO cuts and did everything that could be done right, wrong. I need wayyyy more trainings and wayyyy moreeee time to improve in order to be made a captain. Nick over-estimated me, sorry I disappointed you. Bad day, bad bad day. Sorry team, you guys did awesome. Seriously.

Smile

2010-04-16T23:51:00.002+08:00

I wonder who can go for a week without having any emotions. Will certainly try.

Booze

2010-04-16T22:19:00.002+08:00

Had my first cup of vodka yesterday over at chalet. Played some games with them, drink drank but no one got drunk. Fun, I like the games.

Chances

2010-04-14T02:41:00.003+08:00

Not everyone gets a second chance. So cherish it if you do.
Everybody deserves a moment in the spotlight, don't snatch theirs away.
I've been thinking alot lately. Actually I've think alot for quite some time now. If thinking too much is unhealthy, I think I'm seriously ill.
There, blogged. Tired, bye.

Hate

2010-04-09T00:50:00.002+08:00

Like how I'm feeling now?
Enjoy reading while you still can. Will private this blog soon.
Don't trust anyone, anymore.

Thank You

2010-04-08T15:48:00.003+08:00

Thank you guys for doing the things that you guys have done. That have put me in the position I am in now. I can't thank you guys enough. What you guys have done deserves a round of applause. You guys rocked my world. Literally. If you don't get this, take a lemon.

如果我们连朋友都做不成,
我们就回到过去,做回陌生人.

對不起,我不配做你的朋友

Mistakes

2010-04-08T00:05:00.002+08:00

"Sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore. Until we finally understand for ourselves. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping, and even the biggest failure, even the worst, beat the hell out of never trying. "

– Grey’s Anatomy

Falling down and getting up is easier said than done. Telling someone to get up after their fall, is easier than doing it ourselves.
There's a rainbow after every downpour. If that's true, I hope the rain will stop soon. Because I want to see the beautiful rainbow.

Judgmental

2010-03-29T23:12:00.004+08:00

Human are such judgmental creatures.
Was thinking about this myself, and happened to remember that my friend have this post on their blog. Would like to share it with you readers.

I cannot fathom why people have to be so judgmental, they tend to judge almost every single person that comes along in their lives, be it they like that person or they do not. Even if you don't know that person well enough, or you think you know him/her inside out that you can even judge him/her, you're a complete loser. I ever heard my friend say this, "even if you know that person well, don't ever judge." Nothing is perfect, everyone has their own flaws. Don't say that you're perfect, nobody will believe you, even if they do, they are simply just hypocrites going around being fake and just asking for sympathy, they need stupid friends like you.

Worst of all, is telling everyone how you feel about the person negatively and making sure that everyone agreed with you. Wth, isn't that propaganda? You're super convincing, together with those salt and pepper you add to exaggerate it, who will disagree with you? Even if they do, they will not disagree with you straight away, use your brain and think, c'mon. Humans are all the same, you do this to someone else, they will do that back to you too, you know something call...karma?

Not everyone is being liked by another person, if you don't like any particular person, keep it to yourself and not blabber about it. Who knows that someone out there dislike you too? Will you want them to gossip about you?

I feel that sometimes...people should learn to keep their comments to themselves. It's bad enough that you think badly of someone, even worse if you try to get others to do the same

Stop judging people, sucker!

p/s i'm not talking about anyone in particular, if you feel guilty or angry about this, just think what you have done before.

Well said. Bye

Losing with pride.

2010-03-28T18:28:00.003+08:00

You must be wondering, how to lose with pride? Let me tell you.
Not giving up when you're losing.

IVP final was yesterday. We were at NYP at 730am only to know that our first match against ACIS was a walkover. So we had to wait till 330PM to start our first match. Damn it was long. Spend the time eating, watching matches, joking and warming up. 330 came sooner than we expected. Time for the showdown.
We went in with strategies, and gave it our best. But our best were not good enough against SMU. Went down 6 -2 for the first half. Spirits dampened, morales were low. But Captain Nick and Benedict gave us a motivation talk.

"Guys, I know we're trailing. So I have to do what's best for the team. I'll put our strongest 7 into the match and when either side reaches 8 or 9, we'll have fun. You guys didn't come down all the way here to sit at the sidelines. So we'll have fun, you can bring a can of 100plus into the match and tell the person marking you "You're defending me? Ok." and then huck the disc. I don't care if we lose, we'll have fun and give it our all! Let's go TPU!"

Ok, so it's not EXACTLY the things he said. But roughly it's like this.
Gave our all was what we did. We went from 6-2 down to a further 9-2 down. Not a problem. Spirits were still high after the talk and we started believing in ourselves when we scored the third point. Here comes the interesting part. I forgot which point it was, but when Yongsheng(Told you, you were going to be mentioned) HANDBLOCKED the guy, we all SCREAMED! It was outside end-zone, so we had one chance. Ziwei took the disc and looked around as the opponent stall count her. She kept her cool, one throw...... Yongsheng caught the fucking disc! He was in shock and I ran in to carry him and soon the whole sideline joined it. People pulled his hair (Tsk, Jiaxin...) and the rest carried and screamed. Opponent heads hung low, spirits dampened. We were happy like mad! Then we continued the streak. We went on to score 2 or 3 in a row. In total, we scored 4 in a row. Before SMU win, Gerard jumped damn high to catch a disc. Once again, we screamed. But we didn't score that point. (It's ok Gerard, you did well!). The game went on to 11 - 6. We were proud of ourselves. We did great because we believed in ourselves. We gave SMU hell of a match.

As TPU circled up for the last team talk, both of the captains were happy. In fact, we were all grinning from teeth to teeth. We did one last cheer for the team before ending going off to watch the finals. Awesome day it was.
Let's go TPU!

What if..

2010-03-26T19:00:00.003+08:00

如果当不了情侣,

当朋友也挺好的.

Anemia

2010-03-26T03:00:00.005+08:00

I THINK I have this blood disorder. I think it runs in the family, since my mom and my eldest sister seem to have it. No wonder I'm so weak.

Anemia is the most common disorder of the blood. The three main classes of anemia include excessive blood loss, excessive blood cell destruction or dificient red blood cell production.

Anemia goes undetected in many people, and symptoms can be minor or vague. The signs and symptoms can be related to the anemia itself, or the underlying cause.
Most commonly, people with anemia report non-specific symptoms of a feeling of weakness, or fatigue, general malaise and sometimes poor concentration.
They may also report shortness of breath, dyspnea, on exertion. In very severe anemia, the body may compensate for the lack of oxygen carrying capability of the blood by increasing cardiac output.
The patient may have symptoms related to this, such as palpitations, angina (if preexisting heart disease is present), intermittent claudication of the legs, and symptoms of heart failure.

Got this information from Wikipedia.org .

一言既出，驷马难追

2010-03-26T02:41:00.003+08:00

Have been sick for the past few weeks. Training haven't make it any better. But it's one for all, all for one.

Tuesday's training was torturous. Rained in the morning but died down later on. Trained till 3PM! Was mad tired and the weather killed most of us. Captain said we improved, hopefully we can play like we did during IVP and win the plate. Wednesday was not a day to rest, supplementary paper. Computer Programming, result? Fail, retaking module the next semester. Then training today was not any better.

Yesterday night's curry and prata gave me a bad sore throat. Dry coughed the whole day and felt damn dizzy. We kept doing drills and ran 2 suicides because of the numerous drops we made. After 2nd suicide, end of training for me. Couldn't take it any more. Sat at the stands throughout the training. Everyone did the rabbit wall but me. I think I need a week or two to recover. After training, went to shower. Let me ask you guys something.

"Is it more gay to walk around the toilet naked andhanging your weener out for everyone to see while you chit chat or even read the newspaper. Or is it more gay to be afraid to show your sausage to people and keep in inside your pants?"

After showering, went to Mensa to have lunch. Ate Chicken Chop + Spaghetti. Don't think that will help me in recovering from sore throat. But there was nothing else to eat.. No choice.. Then went home after that. Slept for 2 hours or so and asked Yankai and Keith if they wanted to go E!Hub to play pool. Woke up at 645 and got ready. Took Pepsi down for a walk, btw Pepsi is my dog's name, before meeting them at my void deck. Tea Valley for dinner and pool after that. Home after that.

My dinner. Guess my sore throat will be with me for quite sometime if I keep having food like this.

Pow's Prata House

2010-03-25T00:40:00.002+08:00

Nothing like prata and curry in the middle of the night. And best if it's right before you sleep. Hope this will add some pounds to my body.

Training tomorrow. Shall update more tomorrow.

Better game sense, not the intesity that matters.

2010-03-22T23:29:00.002+08:00

Went over to Bugis for pick up today. Sat down and watched more than playing the game itself. Then trained on throws. Getting more and more stable.

Pick up is more of getting to know how the play goes and not the intensity. Everyone over there were quite relax but their throws and game sense were damn awesome.
If you're interested, you can ask Nick for more info. I guess?

Am damn tired now, training tomorrow morning. Hope can get up on time.
Gotta turn in now, bye

Failure

2010-03-22T16:19:00.003+08:00

Supp paper today. Stayed up till 3am yesterday to do some last minute revision. Thought I did enough to go through the paper with ease. Unexpectedly, questions came out were different from what I studied. So I practically am ready to retake the module. 1 more supp paper to go, and I think it's another failure.

Great, failed education. Failed life.

Going for pick up with Nick and co soon. Idk what it is, but am just going to try it hands on. Better than slacking off at home and thinking about the unnecessary.

Time flies

2010-03-20T21:26:00.002+08:00

Few months back, we didn't knew such a sport existed. And we're all standing here, today, few months later, playing for the school as a team. We lose together, we win together. We cheer each other up and we spend time together. Bonds were made, friends we became.

But it was totally heart breaking that we lost 2 in a row together against NUS and NP. For me, it was really saddening. Was already sick going for today's IVP. But still wanted to play. But who knew what happened next was the moment I step onto the pitch, stomach told me to stop. Almost shit, shat, shut in my pants and then puked moments later. I just managed a good D against one of NUS's top player, wanted to do something for the team. But my body wouldn't let me. You could say I am weak. Because I would agree with you. I almost froze my butt off under the constant downpour. I was the only person in TPU wearing a jacket. Even the girls could withstand the weather. How weak am I. But what to do? I'm standing at 174cm, weighing at 49.8kg. HOW TO TAHAN!?

Just stood at the sidelines for the rest of the day. Was VERY disappointed at myself. Wish I could have done more for the team. Sorry if I let the team down. Looks like we're at least, playing for a plate or something next week. I will definitely buck up and try to at least get a good D and some well cuts.

When strangers become team-mates and then become friends.

2010-03-19T22:21:00.003+08:00

Loving my picture at the top!
IVP's tomorrow!! Freaking egg-cited. Hope we can manage to close the margin with NUS even if we lose them. If we win, I think it'll be the most unexpected victory of the whole tournament and we'll definitely catch many school's attention.
So we'll just have to give our 150% and pray for some luck(: I'll run till my ankles break, my muscles torn up and my shoes have no soles. I'll try to see what I'm good at and progress from there.
Oh and I went to collect my contact lenses today in the afternoon and I managed to learn how to put it on within 10minutes. I think it's pretty fast ? :) Feeling pretty good with lenses on! Shall wear it tomorrow to the games.
Gotta take the shower and crash my bed. Getting lots of rest before tomorrow.
TPU!

Sick, Positive - Negative

2010-03-19T00:23:00.005+08:00

Had mini training today morning. Woke up at 8am and felt abit dizzy. Didn't care much and got ready to go training. Dad fetched me to Compass Point to meet up with the team. When I reached, everyone gave me the shock look and went.. Omg! Eamon you look so different!!! Damn embarrassed. Bought something to eat and went over to anchorvale field.

Met up with the rest of the team and same reaction. Marcus said "Woah woah woah woah!!! Who is this new guy???" Lol! Damn hilarious. They kept teasing me throughout the day..

Then did 100 backhand, 100 forehand throws. Monk and I improved as we threw the disc more. No complaints from any seniors, guess that's a good sign. Then took a sip of h20 and damn. Felt sick. Sat down as they trained on 3man-drill.

Laid on the grass for a moment and dark clouds soon gathered above our heads. Heavy downpour arrived shortly. Was already sick and the cold wind+rain made me shiver like mad. Took the umbrella to shelter myself, but gave it to the girls. Hid behind a mini bus at the road side. Was shivering like mad... And that's when they decided to call it a day and WALKED over to the swimming complex to shower.

Ate macs after showering and Marcus' jokes were damn hilarious. Kept laughing while eating. Took Wenjie's Mini Cooper over to Jiaxin's luxurious home to have a group bonding + theory session.

After watching videos, talking about strategies, Ziwei told us to think about our OWN positive and negative side in frisbee. Thought about it, can't come up with any positive side of myself. Seriously, I even thought about it in the shower just now. I don't know why Nick assigned me as the Team Games captain. I'm not a good thrower under pressure, I can't do clean cuts. I'm lazy, I can't run as fast as others and I can't defend well. Throwing with pressure is easy, with pressure, crumble like a cookie. Hope I can improve before most of the seniors are gone from TP. Think Nick should reassign the captain for the TG. I really have no potential.

Went to dte to play pool with Yankai, Keith and Brandon, Carmen and Nainai went there to watch us play. They all were shocked when they saw me with my short hair too. So sucky):

Gotta sleep now, damn tired. Bye

Anyways, this is my new hair. Ugly right . I know.

2010-03-17T23:53:00.002+08:00

Hmm, thinking about alot of things now.
Just had a feeling to blog about SOMETHING. But feeling's gone.
Training tomorrow, IVP's drawing near. This Saturday is judgement day. Hope we win at least one school.

Ahhh! Mixed feeeeelings. Sucks ttm. I don't know what I should do now.

Title

2010-03-15T22:51:00.002+08:00

I see you on but I don't dare to start a conversation with you. I'm afraid constant chatting will irritate you.): But I wanna talk to you so badly. Thinking about you almost every single minute. SERIOUSLY.

Training tomorrow, finally able to touch the disk after so long!

Don't know if I should talk to you.

Falling for someone, that will never fall for you.

2010-03-04T22:07:00.002+08:00

It sucks when you see the one, you deem your perfect match, to be with someone else. And what's more, is that the person don't really know your existence. But I'm sure we swapped a couple of glances at the library. That memory will last in my head for quite some time. I've been thinking of her for quite awhile now. Seems like it's gonna be a month soon. Wow. Dumb.
Those fairytale songs always make me think so much. Looking out the bus and think as the trees and buildings passes by. Anyway, made the team for frisbee. It's been awhile since I was in the school team. Wind the clock back to Primary school days and that was the last time I was involved in a school team. So I'm pretty cite to show what I'm capable of. Shall take this chance to use all my energy on something useful rather then dwelling on the negative.

When you do something right...

2010-02-28T06:28:00.000+08:00

Dad

2010-02-24T23:15:00.001+08:00

And this is a half-done piece I did few days back. Hopefully I will finish at least one rap.

When one's pride reaches a new low,
Trust me a new him will unfold.
The things they said they wouldn't do,
Would only be things that had to be undo.
Undo it or undone, it doesn't matter cos I'm done

For when I get my ass kicked, in the grave I'll flip.
Spiritual revenge, is only what will be best.
I have no physical impact, when my body's put to rest.
The news flash past my life's best, friends and families faces messed.
I take one last look, before the grim reaper take what it could.
One familiar face missing, how could he miss this grand finishing.
My empty heart now vanishing, for the scene I'm witnessing.
The bold figure couldn't be seen, I guess I'll be leaving.
But wait I see this lonely figure.
At the corner, talking to the coroner.
Looking as serious as ever, I guess he must be sober.
He wasn't shedding no tear, not even wimping a little.
I guess he's still as strong as ever, his age belittle.
He must be after those guys, those fucking little bastards.
But I don't want him to risk his life, because mine is already gone.
I want him to live, forever to protect whose lives I failed to prolong.

When one's pride reaches a new low,
Trust me a new him will unfold.
Things he swore he wouldn't do,
Now so inevitable and a must-do.
He touches the dark path,
Full of danger and filled with wrath.

2010-02-24T23:07:00.002+08:00

I realised I have not blogged for a very longggg time. Shall start.
One thing I noticed about myself, I'm afraid of commitment. So I decided to let go.
But without fail, falling for the other one seem so easy even just days after giving up on you.
Guess I'm still not matured enough to get myself into a relationship.
So I've moved on, but I doubt this will get anywhere.
I guess I'll just stick to falling aimlessly for girls for now ):

2010-01-04T02:46:00.003+08:00

If you're avoiding me, I beg you to stop.
By doing what you're doing, it hurts me alot.
Just a word of goodbye, I'll take my leave.
Forever and forever, I'll never believe.
For true love is what I've lost,
The faith that was lost.

I will wait, even if in vain.
I won't let this go,
I believe in miracles.

My heart hurts.
But it bleeds no more.

FML

2010-01-03T05:08:00.002+08:00

I think I've gone back to my emo self. Wake up in the morning, not much words. Sat down and had my breakfast. Not much communication between me and my family. Have been thinking alot, way too much.
I like shutting myself in my room, blasting fast fast music and writing things. Thinking or just lying down sleeping.

Romeo and Juliet were meant to be, but why aren't we.
Destiny is predestined, or destiny is what we make it to be.
If I can choose life or death, may the third choice be you for me.
I rather have you with me, even in my dreams.
But the cruel reality of dream, is that I have to wake up to face.
Another day, without your pretty face.

What can I do to prove myself to you. Just a word from you and I'll do whatever you want me to.
I'm beginning the previous phase of my life, back from the start. ):

Christmas? Fuck

2009-12-25T01:32:00.002+08:00

Last Christmas, I lived it alone. And the very next year, the same thing still rolls. I've been celebrating Christmas at home for 17 fucking years. No fucking dinner, no fucking presents.. Maybe a few presents from sis and mom.
This year still suck as hard as all the previous ones. Plans were cancelled one after another. Ended up having dinner at Coffee Club over at Whitesands with family. Tomorrow's Christmas. Not looking forward to it.
Life sucks. Uh huh. Life sucks to da max.

Christmas Eve

2009-12-24T05:50:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling rather low. No plans for later on. It's 6am now. Just finished eating noodles.
Can you teach me how to fall in love. I'm afraid to fall in love, only to fall flat on my face. I don't want to have these one sided things that last a couple of days, weeks tops.
I'm tired of all this. Maybe I should lay back and watch things unfold. Take things a step at a time.

What would..

2009-12-22T01:38:00.003+08:00

What would the world be like if I was to sleep and never wake up.
What would happen if I was to confess to you before I breathe my last breath.
I'm having nightmares everyday. Everyday, I die in my sleep. I wake up to be relieved that I'm still breathing. Today, I dreamt that I died and was wondering in my spiritual form. It was scary. I felt everything. It seemed so real for a moment. Only to wake up and see the sun shining on my face. What would you feel if I was to die today. I'm dying.... Day by day, I lose confidence of myself. I feel disgusted of myself. I feel lousy everyday.
And today was not any better. When I saw you didn't reply me but you commented on someone else's post. My heart skipped a beat. I stopped breathing for a moment. Thoughts ran thru my mind in an instant. Everything to me, was black and white. You're on the plane right now going to a faraway place. Without a male by your family side, I can't help but worry about your safety. I know you'll be back in 10days. But it will feel like years before I get to see you again. I want to go to your house. I want to walk you home. I want everything that have got to do with you. )):

I'm so into the you.

2009-12-20T07:43:00.002+08:00

If I am romeo, would you be my juliet.
I know it's impossible for us to be together. But the sight of you makes me so happy. It's been awhile since I last saw you. Receiving a gift from you plus walking you home is something, nothing that can be compared to. I'm not letting you know how I feel till I think it's the right time. But I think I kinda ruined things today by sending the last text of the night.
Was watching midnight show but my mind was occupied by lots of thoughts. Thoughts of you and thoughts of the past. I really want to know you well, treat you well and be the boulder that shelters you from rain and shine. I wanna be the rock solid foundation of the love that shall never die. K this part is kinda too much.
But I think I'm reading too much into things that might be just so simple and pure. The gift you gave me and the card you wrote. Might just be nothing, but a friendship thingy. ):
I really hope you would give me this chance to show you how much I am really into you. It's kinda stupid cos I've only truly known you for less than 2 years. I wanna stop falling for the wrong girls and I wanna concentrate on you. Time, I shall take to understand you more. It shall also witness how strong my love for you is. Hopefully, you're my Juliet.

Reincarnation

2009-12-12T22:44:00.002+08:00

I was brought back to life today.
Was sleeping and I dreamt of something. Something so horrible that I was glad to be awake after only 6hours of sleep on a weekend. I usually sleep for a full 12 hours before waking up reluctantly.
K let me explain how my dream went.
I was out with Fabian and YongSheng to a cafe. But I don't know how, we got into the middle of a "war". There was gun shots, gunmen, screaming and lots of commotion in a short while. Then I don't know what happened but Fabian, monk and I got held by three gunmen. And I also don't know how, I got hold of a pistol. I hid it under the table and a gunmen sat down beside me and another one sat at the center of the table and the other sat with Fabian and monk. Then I got this chance to shoot at the two gunmen as their heads where in line for a double headshot. I shot them near range and killed them both. I tried to take out the third one but was too late. He shot me and my vision blurred. Fabian took care of the last gunman and I told them to make a run for it. They took something and ran for their live and mine was already half gone. So I was having mixed feelings...
K k fast forward. I had bullet holes in my head but I managed to go home and take a shower. ?? Weird right.. Then I came out and told my mom, who was sleeping, what happened and she told me to roll over and die. Even if I could live on, it would be smelly. Yes, smelly?? No clue either. Then my dad woke up and I told him I got shot but managed to survive..
His reply? So? I don't care. I went to my room immediately to write in my diary one last time before I died. Then I woke up, relieved. I brushed my teeth and went down to speak to my mom. I broke into tears all of a sudden and couldn't control. Just kept crying.. It's been awhile. ):

Crack

2009-11-23T23:48:00.002+08:00

The huge jar containing all the emotions in me, is cracking. Soon, I believe not too long later, this jar will break apart. Shattered pieces of glass fragments flying and piercing into others. Emotions fly, my heart too shall die.
Have been thinking too much. Too darn much. On the bus, blasting my music. I think to myself. In class when I'm suppose to listen to the teacher, I scribble on a piece of paper and listen to my mp3. Walking, head hanging, blasting my mp3 and thinking. Eating, slowly and thinking.
Been doing lots of soul searching. I think I'll really go crazy soon. Like I turn my back against everyone I know.
Looking back, I have not much friends since like primary school days. Till now, things haven't changed much. I really wish to just end this world. Not just my life, everyone else's. Every single human being brought away. Let the ape-age rule once again.
Fuck human saga.

2012

2009-11-20T16:48:00.004+08:00

Just got home, sis said her hamster died a sudden death in the morning. Took a look at it, was damn sad. The hamster was the friendlier one among the two. And now it's gone. Then just saw my friend posted that her rabbit was breathing weirdly and was not responding to its favourite treat. And add all this to the fact that I just watched the show 2012. Everything seem so scary.
My theory is that, the world is either coming to an end like real soon. Or it might just drag longer till maybe 2060s. I don't think it's goona end at 2012.
So I thought alot while watching the show. Humanity, life and all. Sacrifices made to save their love ones is the only way to show them their love for them before they breathe their last breath. Should tragedy come upon your family. What would you do? Run or stay to protect them. Occured to me once, I gotta stand my ground and protect them. But can I ever do it? Do I have the guts to do it? So I've decided to do something, to me, real huge a change to either the lives of the human population. Or just my family and I.
The way I look at everything has changed. Everything, to me, is vital. Every detail must be taken note of. It's a very nice movie. Maybe this movie can bring the world together and act as one. Make a change before we go extinct.

Judgement Day

2009-11-13T17:16:00.002+08:00

Judgement Day was today and I failed my own test. No one should understand this, but only me.
I was feeling rather low today and felt really uncomfortable in the crowd. Days like today makes me think about if my existence only cause the world a little topsy turvy. Maybe I was trying too hard today, so I pushed the boundaries a little bit. Think I offended quite a few number of peeps today. But as I've said, it was Judgement Day. Mood low = Music Player's volume high. I went as high as max volume today and I think I'm hearing things now. I need to find a reason why I'm here and nothing seems to be guiding me there. No one, to be clear, have yet to make a huge impact on my life .
Seems like I'll be bulldozing some people out of my life and it's time to think clearly about what I'm doing.
Oh yes, a little reminder to everyone. Always look at the beautiful side of everyone and not kick up a fuss over how ugly the other side of them is.

This barrell ain't holding for long.

2009-11-12T21:58:00.002+08:00

I think i'm gonna break down like anytime soon. I tend to think alot. Things that have happened, things that will happen, things that might happen or things that I don't even know why I'm thinking about.
I've held back my tears for a year now. Seems like it's slowly breaking apart the barrel holding it in.
I know some reasons to why I'm feeling this way. One is because of lack of self-confidence. I always seem to shun away from the crowd or hang my head when there are better looking guys around me. Just feels that.. Argh . You prolly wouldn't want to know anyways.
And and, these feelings inside of me always seems to be controlled but "explode" in other ways.
Like mentally I would break down. Seriously gonna go mad anything. I have yet to turn psychopathic on anyone yet. I don't wish to see that other side of me. But I do know I will turn blind. Fuck them niggas up and then fuck myself up. I'm so darn pissed right now and I don't know what shit got into me. Blacking out soon.

Where it hurts the most.

2009-11-11T23:12:00.002+08:00

You got me where it hurts the most. Right smack in the middle of the heart. Where the wound cannot be seen but it hurts the most. I'm oftenly the victim at the end of the spear.

I'm emo enough already. Should stop.
Anyways, got indirectly rejected by a girl. ): Gonna try again anyways.

Bluesy

2009-11-09T03:29:00.002+08:00

I'm feeling a little weird right now. I'm awfully sleepy yet I can't get to sleep. There's school at 9am. Gotta wake up at 730. And it's 330am now and I'm still awake.
Right, wanted to say something.
I've gotten my haircut.. Well, it's ok.. Better than all my previous haircuts. This one works out the best. And Yueming told me I look better without my cap and with my current hairstyle. So I'm kinda happy(: She told me I would get more girls' numbers like this. But when I had a webcam session with Shamaine, I look weird.. I don't know . Just thought I don't look good. Then I went to look into the mirror. I thought, "Ok what..".
Mixed feelings. Maybe I'm still not confident enough.

2009-10-20T17:16:00.003+08:00

I didn't make a wish on my birthday. Shall make 1 here.
My only wish is for anyone up there in the sky, to improve the animals' intelligence. Let them escape from cruel killing method by human to them. I really detest seeing animals being tortured to death. Even if it's legal operation, fuck them. How about making killing human for animals legal too. You don't step on them, they won't step on you. You cross the line, you pay the fine.
I am going to stop fishing, but I don't think going vegetarian is possible. I mean, if we were to stop eating meat, the world would be over populated by animals. I don't mean animals don't deserve to live.. I don't know how to put it, but I'm gonnna stop fishing. That's 1/6 of my life gone. Fishing was part of my hobby, now.. Not anymore after watching the sharks in trouble video. I wish every human in the world would vanish, give back what the animals once own, the mother earth.

2009-10-19T00:04:00.002+08:00

Was showering and thought to myself "It's gonna be 12am soon. My birthday's coming in a few minutes time. Wonder who would be the first to wish me." Came out and took a look at the clock. Reads, 12.03am, 19 October 2009. I'm officially 17. Took my cell and looked. Nothing. Blank. My wallpaper staring at me. My heart sank. Last year this time, few people remembered. Those that weren't close to me wished me on the dot. I'm really really sad. I remembered telling someone close to me that my birthday was today. Well, he forgot. I think. I'm really sad. No mood .
I remind myself daily to never feel sad or break down. Be strong in the inside and out. I feel sad but no, I didn't break down. Maybe inside me, some where deep down inside. I feel real sad and am crying. There's school tomorrow. Better not think too much. Gotta turn in soon.

2009-10-10T04:37:00.002+08:00

Move on.. Next target taken. FUCK MAN.
I really really want a girl friend. But .. I think heaven doesn't allow me to have one.
Grr. Can't explain how I feel right now.

Alienated

2009-10-09T05:20:00.002+08:00

Suddenly, everything seem so alien to me. Every action, word and mindset. I guess everything has its own reason.
I wish you are the one. The one I've been looking for. The one in a million that might just win my heart over. And hopefully yours over to me. You might not be the prettiest in the sea, but you are just right for me. I don't know why I have this feeling. But it's just all over me.
Everyone seems to be attached. I think you are too. But I hope everything I think is not true, I could just get scarred again. This phase of life is the most confusing one. But I seem to enjoy it the most.
AH! I'M FUCKING TIRED OF EVERYTHING. I JUST WISH EVERYTHING CAN GO MY WAY. MY SAY, MAKE MY DAY.

Random

2009-10-05T23:44:00.002+08:00

I'm bored. Nothing to post about. But I see webs formed on the corner of my blog.
Someone give me tips on gaining weight.
School's starting in 2 weeks time.
Fact : I've not cried for a year.
: I want someone special by my side.
: I'm jealous when I see couples happily together.
I'm bored.

Dedicated to Dad.

2009-09-29T02:36:00.004+08:00

It was my dad's birthday on 28/09/2009. No celebrations as usual.
But this year things were worse. I only saw him at night. And he came home, went to his room and stayed in there. Adults conflicts . So didn't bothered much. Dinner was settled with take-aways. He didn't ate anything.
Dad, you're 50 ++, 54? this year. You ain't young anymore. You need to take better care of your health. You must cut down the intake of alcohol and smoking of cigarettes. You've had an operation before. And your health is not in tip top form. Please take good care . We want you by our side for a very long time.
I know work very hard. Carrying goods at your age is not easy. But you proved to me that you are as strong as a bull when I went to work with you that day. I will work harder in my studies and earned few ks a month to take care of you and mom. Do believe in me as I will prove to you in my upcoming exams. I will strive hard for you.
I love you dad.

Smacked right in the face by cruel reality.

2009-09-25T02:40:00.002+08:00

I just saw something that pricked my heart. So deep into my heart, it is bleeding as I'm typing now. I also believed in perseverance. But now, I don't believe in nothing. Why can't I find happiness. Must I really wait so long for my first relationship? It really is getting on my nerves. I can't help but see the truth. Know the truth and get hurt so badly. If I have a partner to share my daily ups and downs, it would be nice. But it seems like I won't get there in another year or 2. Tear well in me have dried up, by myself.
Enduring the emotions and holding back tears. Holding them back so much that they've become pesperation. By exercising, the time freezes just a second for me to be myself. My thoughts don't go haywire. But right now , I'm thinking alot. Flashbacks just keeps playing. So many of them, flashing by me. Sweet and bitter memories. But at that moment , just minutes ago, everything came crashing down.
People say, seeing is believing. I saw and I believed. Truth unfold, feelings let go. I can't hold onto that dream anymore. It's time I let it go. Let her go and wish her well, to see her down the aile is a dream I never hope to unveil.
I really wish I can just go back maybe 4 years back. To look carefully. To choose wisely. To be braver and go for her. Then, maybe the one sweet talking with her could be me. Sadly, fairy tales don't happen in real life. Time to stop those kiddish act and march forward for a brighter future.

2009-09-22T17:25:00.002+08:00

20 days ago, I last posted here.
I'm gonna post here once again.
Life's been hectic. Exam was over quite some time ago. But I fail one module. So I had to retake it. Took time to check out OleBB for some revisions. Did lots of revision on my own and am pretty confident of passing the supp paper.
Sis's friend intro-ed a job for her. I was chosen to work as a promoter along with Christopher. Worked for Singtel at Ngee Ann City :: Civic Plaza. It was a blast. It was an event held by Singtel and Celebrities were invited over to promote the phone. Saw Jean Danker, Dawn Yeoh and Jesseca Liu. I even saw Justin Ang from Muttons To Midnight. It was hell lotta fun. Made friends with the part-timers. The experience is unforgettable. We gave out flyers for all 3 days. And babes we saw.. Many of them walking the street of Orchard. And I even took a picture with Dawn Yeoh. She's just an angel.
I've had fun working there. Really hope for a 2nd experience. (:
It's hard to express how I feel. And I found my lost lost buddy. Awin Wong Yee Teck. But sadly, he's forgotten all about me. He's become a gangster now. I'm really disappointed that the fact that we were best buds during the Primary days. I even dreamt that we fought recently, just the night after I found his Facebook profile. Things change when people change. Time flies and memories left behind. ):

2009-09-02T23:15:00.002+08:00

Saturday, helped dad work.
Realised how tough his job is. Really very tiring. The next day, arms were feeling sore. Earned around 450$ for dad that day. He gave me $60, but I only took $20. I think he really appreciated our help. Christopher went too. We moved 2 houses, and delivered a buffet. (:

Sunday just slacked at home.

Then Monday came and it was teachers' day celebration for Secondary Schools. Went back to school. In school, many ex 4e3 students didn't go.. But after that, we went to Ehub to eat and wanted to watch movie. Many came and in total. 13 of us went to watch movie and Tampines. Had much fun (: Thanks for the great day.

Then went to Ubin to fish yesterday. It was really really very fun. Went in the morning. Keith and I caught nothing for the day. But Norris and Panzi got lots of fishes. Rained and rained. But we still fished. We fished in the drizzle for like an hour . So much fun. Really wish we can do it everyday. The time got the better of us. Packed up and cycled back to the bike shop. Ate at a shop there. Really tasty. Yankai treated us. Thanks. Then went home after that.

Suddenly feel very emo. I wish I can know what you're thinking. So I wouldn't get into so much confusion. I'm tired and I'm bored.

2009-08-26T01:19:00.003+08:00

I'm really letting it go.
I've always held onto this feeling, that I thought would land me.
A lasting relationship..
But all these time, I've been holding onto a handful of sand.
Standing in the middle of a typhoon.
I could never hold onto you any longer.
It's only a matter of time before the last grain of sand falls out of my grasp.
Onto the sahara desert, it will fall.
Rightfully where it belong, away from me..
I'm really hurt inside, not letting it show.
For I give people this impression, that I will never break apart.
Moving on, I shall.
Hoping for the best.
For you and for me, we'll find our destiny.

I'm going mad. Real quick.

2009-08-25T00:22:00.002+08:00

I FINALLY realised. I MUST study. I CAN study. I was like in the library in the morning, with some of my classmates. They were like, good at the maths . So I consulted them. I got like.. Quite alot of info real quick. I guess I can study. Maybe it's time I put in a alil more effort in my studies. Today, totally failed to do my maths. So gonna take sub paper come 2 weeks time. Hopefully, by then I woulda learned my lesson and studied for it weeks before the paper.
And and, I'm like going bonkers. I was speaking to myself in the showers. Then I was like "Wtf... Why am I talking to myself.." Guess I'm too lonely. ):
I neeeeed someone to chat with .. Like right now. Sadly, no one wants to talk to me ):
Gonna go study for CKT. Bye.

Random

2009-08-20T05:49:00.002+08:00

Was browsing back at my old posts.. Really liked this .
"I finally found the answer Ms Chua once asked me. What have happened in the past that made you what you are today. I can be assured that it wasn't family. It was you guys"
It's like 6am now. Was watching soccer. (:
I'm not really sure what I'm doing right now. . .
Blank. . .

Hmm..

2009-08-18T00:49:00.002+08:00

Well, I did what I thought I didn't dare to do. I gave her chocolates. No, not in person. Wanted to put in her letter box but it was locked. So had to write a note and leave it outside her house. Called her to let her know.. Well.. The reply was kinda.. What I expected. But I didn't want an expected reply. I wanted more.. But as XD said, she ain't my american friend. Well... Can't blame .. I'm the one approaching. She's made her point. But I still don't wanna give up..
But my mother, friends have asked me to give up on her. Unless she's single.
):

Pondering, wondering. Finding, searching.

2009-08-16T01:10:00.003+08:00

I wonder hard, I ponder long. But I still can't think a valid reason. I mean.. People meet people, a month later. They become a couple. Months later, or for some.. Years later. They get tired of each other. Thus, they change to a new person. Is this fun? I have no idea. Haven't been thru it. I mean.. If brothers.. They find a new girl. They just aren't the same brother. They talk about their girls.. They are simply, not themselves. It's boring.. At least for those single.

Thinking.. Searching. Finding a coral in the deep blue sea. A coral beautiful enough, both inside and out, to be kept on the shelf and be kept clean. Every single day, I'll give it a polish. Make sure no dust ever settle upon it. But I don't go scuba diving. So I have yet to find my piece of coral. I'm afraid of the ocean, for sharks lurks in them. I'm not daring enough to go scuba dive for my coral, I'm afraid it might hide, for it doesn't want me.

Have been self-reflecting. Soul-searching. Searching for the person I am. I am a person, not worthy of anyone. For I look down on myself. I dismiss love, I mistreat my friends. I get no respect in return it seems. I dare not think highly of myself, for I have low self-esteem. In my mind, people hate me. For if there's someone who likes me, I get really happy quickly. I have no high expectations, as I'm afraid of its great fall. I'm thinking to myself, thinking alot about myself...

Depressed

2009-08-03T00:19:00.002+08:00

Suddenly feel that, I'm of no use living in this world.
I'm just ... nothing.
No talents, being used most of the time..
I'm fucked up depressed right now.

You really mean alot to me. It's been awhile since I've been like this.
Maybe it's the first time it felt ever so close. I thought success was undeniable. It seems , I've always been wrong. To believe I would be successful in something. Dumb me.
Why can't I be confident of myself like some people. Mentally weak, physically weak, emotionally weak.. I'm fucking weak.

This dream I had, wasn't you. How sad.

2009-07-26T05:32:00.001+08:00

I'm posting cos of this dream I had. I was going with with JN, and we're were quite a couple. I fetched her home and things kinda got messy there. I mean quite alot of things happened and I don't know how to put it. I just know it's very sweet. The feeling was great. I thought it was real. Till I woke up and found out it wasn't true.
Kinda glad at the same time, mixed feelings all come at a time. It just wasn't you. I haven't dreamt of you before. Only in the day I have thought before. The dreams just wouldn't come when I'm sleeping. Does this prove something? x(

Anyways, I'm leaving for Msia in another hour? Maybe.. Going to celebrate my grandma's birthday. :D But I can't watch Liverpool VS Singapore XI! Damn it.. D: I'm missing out on the once in a life time chance. LIVERPOOL! PLEASE COME BACK DX

Decision made up.

2009-07-22T20:20:00.003+08:00

Made up my mind to post up the stuffs I've wrote. Please do not diss my piece of work, I'm not a pro at this.

Enjoy.
First time in my life I felt so helpless,
My head was spinning and I thought my eardrums just burst.
I really thought that this was it.
My life just ending without no kick.
I haven't seen you in awhile.
I thought I will never be able to see you down the aile.
Even if you were to walk it with another man,
I will smile to you and kisss your hand.
Wave goodbye and walk out that door,
Never ever able to sweep your feet off the floor.
Never will I get the chance to impress you,
And never will I get to be your beau.
I didn't want to die just yet,
I have many targets that I haven't met.
Those dreams that have yet to come true,
Which also include me and you.
Everytime I'm missing you,
All I can do is to write down how I feel
In the form of a poem or rap,
It's the only way I can interact
I stutter and mumber infront of you,
Because I feel so intimidated by you.
You're so pretty and all so perfect.
I'm just a junk and a piece of crap.
How can I be seen out with you.
It will only be a disgrace for you.
Even though I do look at other girl,
But you're the only one that makes my mind whirl and twirl.
I'm ending here with so much sorrow,
Only for you to guess and for me to know.

-eamon

Turning back to the old me.

2009-07-19T02:15:00.003+08:00

Yes, mind made up. Emo it is. Emo in school, emo at home, emo outside. I'm gonna be emo.
No more smiley me, no more happy me. All that is dead and gone. I've always been alone. Thinking back, yes I have been. Never have I felt accompanied. Never have I felt mroe happy than the days when Awin Wong was my best friend. Those young days, gone and never able to be retrived. How I wish my life is a movie. I will be able to look back and laugh. Or just sit back and cry. XuanDa came into my life. He took over Awin Wong. No, I'm not gay. XuanDa is a very kind man. He's treated me as a brother. Very good brother. We cover each others' backs. Thanks brother.

Being very thankful is what I should do. Emo is what I'm becoming. So next time you see me. I'll be in my black shirt, black skinnies, black high cut shoe, black cap, black bag, black psp, black phone and no smile. Come say hi and be shunned like a fly. I'll never look back here and laugh like a mad little man. Bye bitches

Reflection time

2009-07-19T01:59:00.004+08:00

Eamon have been dumb his whole life. 17 years of living, 10 years of learning. Friends come and friends go. I don't have many real friends, only alot of mother fuckers who claim to be my friend. They used me when they needed me , threw me away and forgets about me when they didn't need me. I found out that poly life is getting worst. As the days pass, the masks on their faces shed and all is left is ugly scars that will never be healed. I am trying to be a good friend, be there when they need a helping hand. But who ever gave me one when I was in deep waters. I was drowning and they looked on at me, walking away without hesitation. I guess I must learn to be mean in order to survive in this world.
This cruel sick joke was never meant to be revealed, until the recent days then I found out it was true. I've been backstabbed so many times, wounds healed on other scars . This is becoming a routine to me. Every new friend I make, I take the first step to step back. Watching if something is lurking in the shadows trying to assasinate me. I'm cautious. But never too cautious. Because it's always not enough to protect myself. The person I am now is what they've turned me into. I finally found the answer Ms Chua once asked me. What have happened in the past that made you what you are today. I can be assured that it wasn't family. It was you guys. Thanks alot for changing me. Now it's time for revenge and it's gonna be sweet.

Back to blogging

2009-07-13T16:54:00.002+08:00

Past few days was .. Average..
Just that went to gym with Nainai, Keith and Yankai. Worked up for an hour or so and went to have Aston.. Home after that. My pacs are visible now!! :D
Then Saturday and Sunday stayed home. Didn't felt like heading out.. Last minute rushing of assignment yesterday night.. Test today.. And even tho I didn't study for it.. I think I can manage it. Thanks to some tutorial by Zul yesterday on msn..
And I'm gonna miss out on the Liverpool vs Singapore match D: Please .. Liverpool. Come back to Singapore again!! D:D:D: Am heading to Malaysia on that day.. And tickets are sold out .. D:
Nothing much.. Oh and.. People should keep their useless comments to themselves.. Seriously, it ain't helping you gain fame nor will it help you make more friends. Ok.. You're double faced.. We have to agree to that. So people might not see your ugly side. Which I personally feel .. Every side of yours is ugly. Seriously.. Shut the fuck up.. No one would think you're mute if you don't speak for one day.. Or will they? They might be wondering what caught your tongue.. Hmmm :/

Anyways.. Forget about those faggots.. I promise I will.. And I will make them pay if they make me mad.. Don't come touch me if I didn't touch you. So back off .. Punk ass wannabes.

Wow

2009-07-12T02:29:00.002+08:00

My computer survived a flood. Yup, it was drowned with water few hours ago.
I was playing CS:S and when I lost, i gestured my hand and it toppled a bottle of water. And the water, obviously was not capped well, and the water poured out onto my laptop. I panicked and picked up the bottle and turned off the laptop immediately.. Plucked out all the cables and poured all the water out onto the floor. It was alot, around a whole cup. Then wiped it with a piece of tissue. Then took it and hair dry it.. About 15mins.. Then tried.. It was dead. I gave up after trying for 15mins.. Then I tried to fix my dead CPU for about half an hour.. Found out the graphic card was spoilt.. So went down and watched TV. Was damn sad.. Then after like 2hours.. Came up and tried. IT'S A MIRACLE. My laptop was revived. Luckily the water didn't short my laptop. :D
I am damn lucky. I learned a lesson or 2. Never leave a bottle by the side of my laptop. And CPU is much better than a laptop. :)
Shall blog about previous days tomorrow. BYE

Finally

2009-07-08T23:47:00.002+08:00

Wanted to blog yesterday, but internet somehow had problem. Couldn't get into blogger or hotmail. So didn't blog..
Anyways, wrote poems/raps and got ratings from people Not bad for starter.. That's what they said..
Then Alice treated Pizza for dinner.Guess what.. I ate a whole Regular Pizza, which is 6 slices of pizzas, and 3 spicy drumlets.. It's alot .. For me. So I thought I gained weight and immediately went on the weighting scale.. Only 46kg.. Gained 1kg.. And when I woke up today.. I felt hungry and wanted to puke.. I thought I ate quite alot yesterday.. So apparently 6 slices of pizzas aint enough.. So I got back from school today.. Got onto the weighing scale.. Just what. 50KG!! Wooo!! Gained alot ! Damn happy. But face was kinda plump...
Wanted to blog about so much.. But now.. Forgot .. Nvm

Tired and very frustrated

2009-07-06T23:06:00.002+08:00

Lacking sleep. I was so tired in school today that I almost fell down the stairs. I felt giddy, couldn't walk straight. Thought I was having fever, but passed the school check thing.. Whatever. I'm very tired now. Intending to skip school tomorrow.. But there's presentation.. Group work.. Can't skip. __
I really am sick. I really am tired. When will I fall on my bed and not wake up.

Malaysia Trip.

2009-07-05T23:31:00.002+08:00

Yup, "blogging" in Malaysia. I'm just typing into the notepad and copy,paste the whole thing to put it as my daily update. Hmm.. Didn't slept a wink last night. Order mac breakfast.. Then went out at 6 in the morning. Watched some parts of 8mile again, on the car.. Then slept for the rest of the journey. Was mF tired.. Neck was stiff when I woke up.. Now currently at Dad's parents' house.. It's only 10:41am.. And it's damn boring over here. No internet... Astro for cable.. No thank you.When we drove pass some blocks in the morning. Eyes laid upon that, oh so familiar walkway. Was reminiscing the days.. For me to keep them as memories.. Yes, just memories.. Nostalgic memories.. D: Till here. There's a wedding dinner in the night. Boring....

So, I'm back from the wedding. Guess what.. It's one of the worst wedding dinner I've ever attended. The "crowd" sucks.. Then now, crashing in at a 3star hotel.. Not bad.. But quite small and no internet.. Quite tired but the room only have 2beds. 1queen size, the other is single size. Sis and mom sleeping on the queen size, dad sleeping on the single size..Alice and I not intending to sleep. But I think I will sleep on this comfy couch I'm on now. :)

Finally back in Singapore. Went out in the morning just now with relatives. Was fun. Especially with the little cousin. Haha.. She kept on coming to me and grab my fingers, step on my feet and pull my shirt. Damn cute.. Like her alot. :D Main reason is that she doesn't have parents. Sad.. Then shopped awhile.. Ate lunch and went back to granny's house. Stayed there for awhile and went home. Trip was very long.. Traffic jam.. Then went home to put our things and went out to have dinner. Home finally and finished project in time. I think? School tomorrow.. Tired. Shall bathe and sleep. Bye..

Mixed feelings. Insecurity eating me alive.

Leaving soon..

2009-07-03T23:03:00.002+08:00

I'm leaving for Malaysia like in... 5 hours time. Don't know whose son is getting married. I don't really know my relatives in Malaysia well.. Not gonna sleep now.. Gotta sweep the floor and mop it too.. Kinda working for my mom. Lol.

School today was alright. But CKT's lab test suck big time. Didn't do well for it. But managed a pass. Skipped maths lecture as usual. But had to stay back to discuss some project thing with Jason and Yongquan. I fucking hate the grouping. Wanted to change but the teacher didn't allow it. So, I'm stucked with them 2.. Gotta do some shit and send it to them by Sunday . -.- __

Alright.. So I got home and went straight to bed.. Almost... Slept for a near 3 hours.. Still, I'm tired..

BYE
I'm leaving in a few hours time. Tho it may sound dramatic. But I'm gonna miss you big time. When I was in school today. The thought of you crossed my mind, multiple times to be exact. I still can't get over you. No matter how pretty the babes are in school. I never fail to think of you when I look at them. I felt nervous when I sent you home that day. But glad at the same time when you smiled to me and waved goodbye, How I wish I can do that everyday. And not part with you.. I guess you'll never know, how much you mean to me. .

My pleasure..

2009-07-01T23:03:00.003+08:00

School was fiinnneee.... Know why? I passed my lab test! Did it all by myself! Maybe not all. But 15/20 was done by myself. I finally understand the theory of the practical.. So simple. :D . I learnt a lesson during a test and I even taught people how to do! So proud of ma self. :)

After school, went home immediately.. Ate noodles and fell asleep. Woke up and swept the floor before getting ready to go out.. Showered, and changed. Met Linghui and Jiamin at DTE. Shumei, Ernest and his gf came later.. Watched Drag Me To Hell. And I hate that show! Scare the fuck outta me. I hate the parts when the bitch scream and the theatre goes BOOM!. So scary :X..

After movie.. Met Xuanda movie. Then walked around and met Yiling and her bf.. Went to eat at the taiwan shop.. Nice.. But the workers are sickos.. tickos.. mf cheapos.. Then went walked around after that. Apparently.. They like to walk around and stand in the middle of nowhere and chat.. Lol.. Then saw Belle. Wow.. :O So shocked to see her.. Then Xd chatted with her while I just stood there like an idiot. Then went home.. Again.. They stood in the middle of nowhere and chatted about .. who knows what thing.. Then finally went separate ways .. Fetched her home.. I know.. :/ I don't know what I'm doing.. Then home after that.

Oh yes.. Saw Jane at central bus stop when Leon and I were going to school. Then took same bus as her.. Lol! Saw three of the girls I had crush on.. Wow. I'm damn tired now. Gotta go. Bye